Practice Makes Perfect

I once had a creative writing professor who always swore up and down that the creative writing process was about more than writing a great story or poem. She stressed that it was about practicing your creativity on a daily basis. She claimed that doing so would allow you to generate writing ideas that you never would have otherwise.

As I look back, I remember how I abhorred her daily practice assignments. At the time they seemed tedious and wasteful - until now.

Last night, while driving home, I watched as the moon peeked through the clouds. Instantly a sentence describing the moon and it's relation to a part of my life popped into my head. At that moment, I realized that the sentence I had composed was what my professor was lecturing about. Creative writing isn't something that just happens for most. It is a masterpiece that is created with detailed thought and practice.

So, I share with you my practice session from last night. It was much easier to complete this task than it was when my professor assigned it ten years ago. I question why that is, but really am not certain that I want to know the answers.

ASSIGNMENT: Write three sentences (or groups of sentences) that describe a feeling you have or something that is inspiring to you. These sentences should be descriptive and help the reader formulate feelings about the topic or about an event in their life that relates to what you have written.

1. The shining silver of the crescent moon takes me back to the twinkle in your eyes.

2. You are a desert flower to these bloodshot eyes. The sunset has got nothing on you.

3. While staring at her reflection in the tranquil water, she became conscious of the fact that time had passed. Starting again might be harder than she had ever imagined.

"Writer's Block"

I have so much to say, but I can't.

I am blocked from pounding my feelings out on a keyboard, not because I don't have any feelings to share, but because it will hurt others.

I promised I wouldn't ever breathe a word, and it is a promise that I will keep,

But my heart is heavy with this somewhat forced "writer's block".

Alone With My Thoughts

Alone.

Again.

With my thoughts.

Over-analyzing everything:

What you said.

What you didn't.

The way you acted.

How I feel with and without you.

The look in your eyes.

The softness of your touch.

Loneliness doesn't suit me well.

Not because I can't handle being alone,

But because I can't handle being alone with my thoughts.

Beyonce's Halo

I've never really cared for the song, but the lyrics were brought to my attention today. They are beautiful and remind me of one of my best friends...

Remember those walls I built
Well baby they tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make a sound
I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

Bridge :
It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breaking
It's the risk that I'm taking
I ain't never gonna shut you out
Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

Chorus :
I can't feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You're the only one that I want
Think I'm addicted to your light
I swore I'd never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't begin
To pull me back to the ground again

Bridge :
Feels like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breaking
The risk that I'm taking
I'm never gonna shut you out
Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

Chorus :
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
Halooooo ouuuu
Halooooo ouuuu
Ouuuuu ouuuuu ouuuuu

Bridge :
Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

Chorus :
I can feel your halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

Looking

It amazes me sometimes.
Everyone has different lives, but really we all want the same thing: HAPPINESS.

Hard to find? I think so.
Maybe it is because I have buried it somewhere in the back of a dark closet,
Or I might have left it in a past life.
Wherever it is, I thought I was the only one looking for it.
In the process of looking, my opened eyes noticed that maybe everyone else is looking for it too.

How is it that so many are missing this element in their life?
Maybe someone else has my happiness.
Maybe I have been living with happiness that belongs to someone else.

Some say that have found their happiness, and that may be true, but do they every wonder if they could be happier?
I bet they could.
Everyone could.

Maybe I am not looking for happiness.
Maybe everyone else is looking for something else too.

CONTENTEDNESS?

Is that what it is?
Is the population settling for less than happiness?

I sure hope not.

The Stars and I

Alone,
But not completely alone...with the company of the stars.

The night sky like a fruit tree, where I could just reach up and pick the brightest ball of fire.

Beauty so amazing it made my heart ache...

With every one that fell, I held my breath,
And wished the same wish

One...
Two.....
Three times.

Each time hoping that the most important wish I have ever wished
Would come true.

Not my first late night rendevous with the beauty of the night sky,
But it has been what seems like forever.

Star light, star bright
All the beautiful stars I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might
Have that one wish I wished tonight

Why

She's angry.
At me for doing what I am doing.
She doesn't understand my point of view,
But won't listen to it either.
Why?

I've been on the other side of this too, remember?
I've felt the hurt myself.
She isn't the only one,
But she won't try to understand it.
Why?

She's ignoring the pain.
It isn't the first time.
I was there for her then,
But she refuses to be there for me now.
Why?

What are we going to do about it?

the options are endless.
the reality is hard to look in the eye.

knowing what we want
but being afraid to get it

no matter your actions
i will leap with you

no matter your decision
i will be your rock

never, ever, EVER
should you doubt how much i love you

doubt

–verb (used with object)

1. to be uncertain about; consider questionable or unlikely; hesitate to believe.

2. to distrust.

3. Archaic. to fear; be apprehensive about.

–verb (used without object)

4.to be uncertain about something; be undecided in opinion or belief.

–noun

5. a feeling of uncertainty about the truth, reality, or nature of something.

6. distrust
7. a state of affairs such as to occasion uncertainty.

8. Obsolete. fear; dread.

Procrastination

I am so tired, that I can't even sleep.
A day has ended and another has began.
The motivation is gone and my mind is numb.
All of my thoughts seem exhausting,
But I am going to make it happen.

First, I will procrastinate a bit more.

Rescued

My enemy kept me locked in that tower.
A person I could never rid myself of.
She was constantly nagging:
You're too fat.
You're ugly.
You're stupid.
You're not good enough.
She repeated these things
Every time I saw her.

I couldn't ever respond back.
She always hurt me too much.
There was nothing I could do,
Except wait -
Wait for my knight to come.

I really believed it was true.
For once in my life I was happy.
He was everything I had hoped,
My knight in shining armor -
The one that came to rescue me.

He never had to face my enemy.
I think she was scared of him.
She wouldn't ever show her face.
I was finally free - free from her grasp.
He conquered my enemy.

He conquered me.

(From the archives, August 15, 2000)

There isn't much to say except...

I miss Joy.

I could certainly use her friendship and companionship right now.

There will be many who will try, but none that will ever replace.

Baltimore

It has been just over two years since I visited this beautiful city. I reflect on it often. I think maybe it is time for a trip back.

Affirmations

"It's the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen." - Muhammad Ali

I found this quote. It made me think of a dear friend. You know who you are, and you are amazing.

Thank you for the affirmations.

Truth

The truth is beautiful...but it hurts.

Not the same hurt
as when he told me the truth about her,

But the hurt that leaves a big lump in my throat.

The truth is beautiful...but it hurts.

Not the same hurt
as the truth exposed when someone close took his own life,

But the hurt that leaves my eyes on the verge.

I was sure my wounds had healed, but my scars are crying tears of pain.

Anger? No.
Sadness? No.
Just disappointment.

Not in you but in past decisions that the truth has brought to the surface.

The truth is beautiful...but it hurts.

How is my pain beautiful?
It's beauty lies in the truth of our friendship.

Thank you for the truth.
Thank you for the hurt.
Thank you for the beauty.

(From the archives, circa 2004.)

This is what I've been singing all day

Your House
by Alanis Morissette

I went to your house
Walked up the stairs
I opened your door without ringing the bell
I walked down the hall
Into your room
Where I could smell you
And I shouldn't be here, without permission
I shouldn't be here

Would you forgive me love
If I danced in your shower
Would you forgive me love
If I laid in your bed
Would you forgive me love
If I stay all afternoon

I took off my clothes
Put on your robe
I went through your drawers
And found your cologne
Went down to the den
Found your CD's
And I played your Joni
And I shouldn't stay long, you might be home soon
I shouldn't stay long

Would you forgive me love
If I danced in your shower
Would you forgive me love
If I laid in your bed
Would you forgive me love
If I stay all afternoon

I burned your incense
I ran a bath
I noticed a letter that sat on your desk
It said "Hello love, I love you so love, meet me at midnight"
And no, it wasn't my writing
I'd better go soon
It wasn't my writing

So forgive me love
If I cry in your shower
So forgive me love
For the salt in your bed
So forgive me love
If I cry all afternoon

Untitled

i will push you away
but not because i want to

i will have less to say,
but so many words i want to share

my heart isn't broken,
but it will miss the attention

my life isn't over,
but you've changed it somehow

Today's Horoscope

Some days, I believe the stars really do know...

"Be philosophi­cal about your problems, and you’ll be amazed at how easily they resolve them­selves. The secret is not to take yourself or life too seri­ously. It’s the negatives that hold you back."

the one that calls me princess

the nights have been late and the mornings early
sleep escapes me for reasons unknown
maybe it has something to do with him
the one who calls me princess

sometimes i blame the schedule
other times i blame my job
tonight i blame him
the one who calls me princess

it can't be called blame really
the thoughts that keep me awake
are all so wonderful they almost hurt thanks to him
the one that calls me princess

he says i am beautiful
he says i am smart
he says i am amazing
the one that calls me princess

i let him past my walls
i shared things close to my heart
i've made myself vulnerable to him
the one that calls me princess

i'm scared of the pain
friends of the past have caused
i hope i didn't make the same mistake with him
the one that calls me princess

A Beginning

This isn't the first time I have been a blogger.

What seems like a million years ago, I managed to keep up with a (almost) daily blog on my MySpace page.

Since then I have changed jobs and started my quest to acquire not one but four Bachelor's Degrees. (Let's not mention the ultimate demise of MySpace.)

I've also grown up.

In the process of growing up, I forgot how important creative writing was to me.

Tonight, I broke down because of my lack of writing.

Tonight I wrote the first poem I have written in ages.

It was liberating. And it was painful. But it felt good.

It was the beginning (again).

I will try to post everyday. Some posts will be past writings and others will be new.

If you decide to read, I thank you in advance.