Procrastination

I am so tired, that I can't even sleep.
A day has ended and another has began.
The motivation is gone and my mind is numb.
All of my thoughts seem exhausting,
But I am going to make it happen.

First, I will procrastinate a bit more.

Rescued

My enemy kept me locked in that tower.
A person I could never rid myself of.
She was constantly nagging:
You're too fat.
You're ugly.
You're stupid.
You're not good enough.
She repeated these things
Every time I saw her.

I couldn't ever respond back.
She always hurt me too much.
There was nothing I could do,
Except wait -
Wait for my knight to come.

I really believed it was true.
For once in my life I was happy.
He was everything I had hoped,
My knight in shining armor -
The one that came to rescue me.

He never had to face my enemy.
I think she was scared of him.
She wouldn't ever show her face.
I was finally free - free from her grasp.
He conquered my enemy.

He conquered me.

(From the archives, August 15, 2000)

There isn't much to say except...

I miss Joy.

I could certainly use her friendship and companionship right now.

There will be many who will try, but none that will ever replace.

Baltimore

It has been just over two years since I visited this beautiful city. I reflect on it often. I think maybe it is time for a trip back.

Affirmations

"It's the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen." - Muhammad Ali

I found this quote. It made me think of a dear friend. You know who you are, and you are amazing.

Thank you for the affirmations.

Truth

The truth is beautiful...but it hurts.

Not the same hurt
as when he told me the truth about her,

But the hurt that leaves a big lump in my throat.

The truth is beautiful...but it hurts.

Not the same hurt
as the truth exposed when someone close took his own life,

But the hurt that leaves my eyes on the verge.

I was sure my wounds had healed, but my scars are crying tears of pain.

Anger? No.
Sadness? No.
Just disappointment.

Not in you but in past decisions that the truth has brought to the surface.

The truth is beautiful...but it hurts.

How is my pain beautiful?
It's beauty lies in the truth of our friendship.

Thank you for the truth.
Thank you for the hurt.
Thank you for the beauty.

(From the archives, circa 2004.)

This is what I've been singing all day

Your House
by Alanis Morissette

I went to your house
Walked up the stairs
I opened your door without ringing the bell
I walked down the hall
Into your room
Where I could smell you
And I shouldn't be here, without permission
I shouldn't be here

Would you forgive me love
If I danced in your shower
Would you forgive me love
If I laid in your bed
Would you forgive me love
If I stay all afternoon

I took off my clothes
Put on your robe
I went through your drawers
And found your cologne
Went down to the den
Found your CD's
And I played your Joni
And I shouldn't stay long, you might be home soon
I shouldn't stay long

Would you forgive me love
If I danced in your shower
Would you forgive me love
If I laid in your bed
Would you forgive me love
If I stay all afternoon

I burned your incense
I ran a bath
I noticed a letter that sat on your desk
It said "Hello love, I love you so love, meet me at midnight"
And no, it wasn't my writing
I'd better go soon
It wasn't my writing

So forgive me love
If I cry in your shower
So forgive me love
For the salt in your bed
So forgive me love
If I cry all afternoon

Untitled

i will push you away
but not because i want to

i will have less to say,
but so many words i want to share

my heart isn't broken,
but it will miss the attention

my life isn't over,
but you've changed it somehow

Today's Horoscope

Some days, I believe the stars really do know...

"Be philosophi­cal about your problems, and you’ll be amazed at how easily they resolve them­selves. The secret is not to take yourself or life too seri­ously. It’s the negatives that hold you back."

the one that calls me princess

the nights have been late and the mornings early
sleep escapes me for reasons unknown
maybe it has something to do with him
the one who calls me princess

sometimes i blame the schedule
other times i blame my job
tonight i blame him
the one who calls me princess

it can't be called blame really
the thoughts that keep me awake
are all so wonderful they almost hurt thanks to him
the one that calls me princess

he says i am beautiful
he says i am smart
he says i am amazing
the one that calls me princess

i let him past my walls
i shared things close to my heart
i've made myself vulnerable to him
the one that calls me princess

i'm scared of the pain
friends of the past have caused
i hope i didn't make the same mistake with him
the one that calls me princess

A Beginning

This isn't the first time I have been a blogger.

What seems like a million years ago, I managed to keep up with a (almost) daily blog on my MySpace page.

Since then I have changed jobs and started my quest to acquire not one but four Bachelor's Degrees. (Let's not mention the ultimate demise of MySpace.)

I've also grown up.

In the process of growing up, I forgot how important creative writing was to me.

Tonight, I broke down because of my lack of writing.

Tonight I wrote the first poem I have written in ages.

It was liberating. And it was painful. But it felt good.

It was the beginning (again).

I will try to post everyday. Some posts will be past writings and others will be new.

If you decide to read, I thank you in advance.